[ qui-gon looks up again. he recognises the hurt in that tone and it makes it easy to release the weight he's accumulated. in this moment, he has unknowingly hurt his apprentice again, something he knows he has done more than he should. ]
You're- you were my apprentice, Obi-Wan. There were more important things for you to learn. And there would have been time to tell you, once you were ready.
[ like obi-wan had been ready to face the trials with no hint from qui-gon whatsoever? he doesn't bite his tongue but it is a near-miss instinct, a cheek gnawed instead. obi-wan isn't petty. nor is he angry. he can't even say he's disappointed.
[ the feeling that he has been a poor master to obi-wan is a familiar one ]
You think I ought to have told you?
[ he can't keep that feeling of failure from his voice as he says it. he's weathered too much in the last few minutes, and obi-wan has both his respect and trust. he can be honest. ]
[ he can only manage a half smile for a moment, but it eases into something more genuine as his focus comes back to the present. towards his old apprentice.
the weight of his failures, of the failures of his master, of the senate-- they're all still there in the periphery of his awareness. but here stands a jedi who has faced them all and more, and still reacts with gentleness and kindness and humour. ]
It seems that, despite me, you've become a greater Jedi than I could have imagined, Obi-Wan.
And yet my appreciation of you specifically is undiminished.
[ none of those other jedi are his former apprentice, so qui-gon is unrepentant in allowing himself to wholeheartedly embrace this bright moment in a sea of things he must put aside ]
Really? After all the difficult news you've shared with me of what's to come, do you find it hard to believe I might take some relief in knowing that at least one of the things I thought certain is in fact so?
[ dooku no longer a jedi, the senate no longer trustworthy, his own training not as sound as he had thought... ]
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You're- you were my apprentice, Obi-Wan. There were more important things for you to learn. And there would have been time to tell you, once you were ready.
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what is he then? ]
. . . Of course.
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You think I ought to have told you?
[ he can't keep that feeling of failure from his voice as he says it. he's weathered too much in the last few minutes, and obi-wan has both his respect and trust. he can be honest. ]
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Focus on the present. Isn't that what you always say? The time has passed for those questions.
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Using your old master's words against him?
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[ the cobwebs of failure will linger, but obi-wan will brush them off soon. probably. ]
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the weight of his failures, of the failures of his master, of the senate-- they're all still there in the periphery of his awareness. but here stands a jedi who has faced them all and more, and still reacts with gentleness and kindness and humour. ]
It seems that, despite me, you've become a greater Jedi than I could have imagined, Obi-Wan.
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I do as I must. As any Jedi would.
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[ none of those other jedi are his former apprentice, so qui-gon is unrepentant in allowing himself to wholeheartedly embrace this bright moment in a sea of things he must put aside ]
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[ not skeptical, just suspicious! he says this in good humour though. ]
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[ dooku no longer a jedi, the senate no longer trustworthy, his own training not as sound as he had thought... ]
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[ but obi-wan shakes his head. ]
But all that news is simply overwhelming because it's coming all at once. It will pass.