[Something Maul has always struggled with given that a lot of what gave him strength as a Sith was his lack of power. He knew it wasn't true for all of them. Look at Dooku. The man was perfectly composed 90% of the time and still was firmly entrenched in darkness. His own master had a perfect mask as a kindly old Chancellor in place that only faltered by choice. Sometimes he wondered if his master had deliberately cultivated his impulsiveness and lack of patience so he would never prove to be a threat to Sidious no matter how powerful he became.]
There is an old saying, how you only truly die when the last person who remembers your name dies as well. I wonder if this is true even if it happens in another universe.
[ obi-wan is human. he just appears otherwise. and it's a persona he's worked hard to cultivate. ]
We don't, at least not entirely. To us, the body is just . . . crude matter. We are luminous beings and we rejoin the Force as we were always meant to. It's more akin to . . . coming home.
[To have that much certainty in what happens after death must be soothing. For Maul, death is just something that will grant him relief from the pain of his life as it stands right now, something almost to look forward to simply because it would be the end.]
The complete opposite of what the Sith believe, of course.
[Though part of him would have liked to believe his family surived in some form beyond their deaths, he's afraid to put faith in that notion. It feels too much like hope and all that emotion has ever done for Maul is let him down.]
No. But I am not sure the Force wishes to have its Dark disciples return to it. What gain could there possibly be?
[Better to just let them drift into nothingness as he was taught in his youth or so Maul thinks.]
[ obi-wan hums in agreement. the sith, the dark are all obsessed with power and control. death is beyond their control so they seek ways to avoid it. he can't imagine the force being all that grateful for that.
that being said — ]
I don't think the Force would mind. And I don't think it is unforgiving.
[The idea gives Maul something to think about for certain. That perhaps, someday, he might be able to find some sense of calm and serenity even if it is only in death.]
And you? Are you able to forgive?
[He'd never actually thought to ask such a thing of Obi-Wan before, assuming the answer was 'No.' Not after all that Maul had done to him personally.]
[ it's not fair to ask that. a muscle jumps in his jaw, tightly leashed. it's not fair because maul took so much. time, hopes, dreams. stolen away with the glint of a blade.
but none of those people were obi-wan's. they didn't belong to him. he lost them, but he never had them. attachment. it is a life long process to deal with. ]
[Maul's steady gaze falters as he looks off to the side instead of directly at the Fluid. He's not sure why he even asked that. But he had to know. To fully take responsibility for his actions will mean owning up to all that he has put Obi-Wan through, to know he'd deliberately caused the man pain and suffering because the true target he desired would forever be out of his reach.]
[ obi-wan is hyper aware of his flaws. he sees them under his nails. he breathes them with every loss, every failure. he knows, he knows he's not good enough. that he'll never be good enough.
but he must try, must keep trying and know that even his best efforts fail him. for do or do not, there is no try. there is no luck. just obi-wan and the force between them. ]
You try so hard to be the perfect Jedi according to the ideals of your order. It's a bit refreshing to know you're still human.
[Not that he hadn't witnessed it already. When he'd killed both Qui-Gon and Satine, he'd felt the anger from Obi-Wan. Though the Jedi hadn't given into it, Maul knew there would have been no stopping him if he'd given into it and fallen to the Dark Side.]
[ but obi-wan knows he enables that perception. he can't fully deny that. it affords some emotional security, distance. letting someone into his heart, the deep crevasses, that is terrifying. ]
I am not a Jedi simply because I was taken into the Order and taught its ways. I am a Jedi because I try, every time with every step.
The problem with most ideals is that no one can ever live up to them. Not even you, the one who represents the best of your order.
[It's not so much a compliment from Maul as it is a statement of fact. He's fought many Jedi, watched them from the shadows when he was young. Much of what Sidious told him about their corrupt, arrogant order had been proven correct. But still...]
If more Jedi were like you, perhaps it would have been harder for my master to put his plan into effect.
It's not important to embody them as much as it is to put them into action. For whatever people think of the Jedi, we do what it takes to help others. That is all we ever do. There are Jedi who fail and Jedi who fall.
[Maul can't deny that point. For all that is wrong with the Jedi, at least they have tried to do good. That's more than he can personally say he's ever done.]
Yes. The difference that shall always be between Sith and Jedi. You do what is selfless while I do what is selfish.
Something that people keep trying to impress upon me. I think I might finally have begun to understand why.
[He's well aware most people learn this when they're about five years old, but at the same age he was being horribly abused by Sidious and just trying to survive the horrendous training he was being put through, so at least he does have a relatively good excuse for being emotionally stunted.]
[Occasionally, it takes a good beating for the lesson to stick, but mostly it just takes time, repetition, and a lot of patience with those trying to teach Maul how to be better.]
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[Something Maul has always struggled with given that a lot of what gave him strength as a Sith was his lack of power. He knew it wasn't true for all of them. Look at Dooku. The man was perfectly composed 90% of the time and still was firmly entrenched in darkness. His own master had a perfect mask as a kindly old Chancellor in place that only faltered by choice. Sometimes he wondered if his master had deliberately cultivated his impulsiveness and lack of patience so he would never prove to be a threat to Sidious no matter how powerful he became.]
There is an old saying, how you only truly die when the last person who remembers your name dies as well. I wonder if this is true even if it happens in another universe.
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Self-control. There's a difference.
[ at maul's remark, he considers that. ]
I suppose that makes sense in terms of remembrance. I'm not sure I agree, but there is truth in that.
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[The dry tone he says that with makes it unclear if he's actually being serious or not. Apparently, Obi-Wan's snark is rubbing off on him.]
What do Jedi believe comes after death?
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[ obi-wan is human. he just appears otherwise. and it's a persona he's worked hard to cultivate. ]
We don't, at least not entirely. To us, the body is just . . . crude matter. We are luminous beings and we rejoin the Force as we were always meant to. It's more akin to . . . coming home.
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[To have that much certainty in what happens after death must be soothing. For Maul, death is just something that will grant him relief from the pain of his life as it stands right now, something almost to look forward to simply because it would be the end.]
The complete opposite of what the Sith believe, of course.
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The Nightsisters believed in something similar, though I'm not entirely familiar with their practices.
At any rate, to return to the Force isn't a terrible option.
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[Though part of him would have liked to believe his family surived in some form beyond their deaths, he's afraid to put faith in that notion. It feels too much like hope and all that emotion has ever done for Maul is let him down.]
No. But I am not sure the Force wishes to have its Dark disciples return to it. What gain could there possibly be?
[Better to just let them drift into nothingness as he was taught in his youth or so Maul thinks.]
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that being said — ]
I don't think the Force would mind. And I don't think it is unforgiving.
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And you? Are you able to forgive?
[He'd never actually thought to ask such a thing of Obi-Wan before, assuming the answer was 'No.' Not after all that Maul had done to him personally.]
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but none of those people were obi-wan's. they didn't belong to him. he lost them, but he never had them. attachment. it is a life long process to deal with. ]
. . . I don't know.
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Then that makes you no more flawed then most.
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[ obi-wan is hyper aware of his flaws. he sees them under his nails. he breathes them with every loss, every failure. he knows, he knows he's not good enough. that he'll never be good enough.
but he must try, must keep trying and know that even his best efforts fail him. for do or do not, there is no try. there is no luck. just obi-wan and the force between them. ]
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[Maul's usual angry tone softens just a little.]
You try so hard to be the perfect Jedi according to the ideals of your order. It's a bit refreshing to know you're still human.
[Not that he hadn't witnessed it already. When he'd killed both Qui-Gon and Satine, he'd felt the anger from Obi-Wan. Though the Jedi hadn't given into it, Maul knew there would have been no stopping him if he'd given into it and fallen to the Dark Side.]
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[ but obi-wan knows he enables that perception. he can't fully deny that. it affords some emotional security, distance. letting someone into his heart, the deep crevasses, that is terrifying. ]
I am not a Jedi simply because I was taken into the Order and taught its ways. I am a Jedi because I try, every time with every step.
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[It's not so much a compliment from Maul as it is a statement of fact. He's fought many Jedi, watched them from the shadows when he was young. Much of what Sidious told him about their corrupt, arrogant order had been proven correct. But still...]
If more Jedi were like you, perhaps it would have been harder for my master to put his plan into effect.
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It's not important to embody them as much as it is to put them into action. For whatever people think of the Jedi, we do what it takes to help others. That is all we ever do. There are Jedi who fail and Jedi who fall.
But the Jedi still try.
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Yes. The difference that shall always be between Sith and Jedi. You do what is selfless while I do what is selfish.
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There's nothing inherently wrong with selfishness. We all deserve and long for more.
It's when that impulse stamps on the lives of others that cannot abide.
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[He's well aware most people learn this when they're about five years old, but at the same age he was being horribly abused by Sidious and just trying to survive the horrendous training he was being put through, so at least he does have a relatively good excuse for being emotionally stunted.]
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It takes time to learn.
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[Occasionally, it takes a good beating for the lesson to stick, but mostly it just takes time, repetition, and a lot of patience with those trying to teach Maul how to be better.]
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Eventually.