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[You would think you would be used to her cuddly nature by now, Obi-Wan. Then again, considering all the people he kept hanging out with, she likely is the odd one out.]

This place has amazing reviews for a mushroom soup! Like, everyone says it's one of the best things on the menu!

You've scoped out the places so quickly.

[ obi-wan is still acclimatising himself. ]

Very well. I trust your judgement.

No no no, you misunderstand, Obi-Wan-san. I've scoped out food quickly. The only thing that gets done faster than that is getting soft bedding. Then after those two, it's fashion. Unless! Video games are available, that will come before fashion.

[She wags a finger because, clearly, this is important and has a process, but also it can be nice to talk about things that don't involve murder or crying or both.]

[ he smiles. ]

Nothing wrong with that. I'm afraid I'm not much of a food connoisseur.

Is that a "Jedi" thing or a "you" thing? [They walk into the establishment, mushrooms being the massive means of decor all over, even the light-fixtures are just natural bioluminescent mushrooms. The floor was legitimately made of moss.

The hostess explained there was a wait before Usagi gave her name for the reservation and she started leading them to their table.]

Oh, it is a me thing. The Jedi are quite diverse in terms of preferences and tastes. And I can be picky about certain things.

[ his tastes shifted when he became more in touch with the living force than the cosmic one, making him more in tune with nature and animals first and foremost. ]

Are they? I honestly only know you and Skywalker-san so I don't have much to go on. [Which was Usagi's way of saying Obi-Wan was literally her only means of measuring what an ACTUAL Jedi might be like since Anakin only ever yelled or cried at her, Maul was... Maul, and Savage didn't get to exist in her thoughts because she was currently still pissed at him.]

But! Good, I'm glad you're being picky.

[She meant that, sincerely, as they took their seats.]

I worry about you.

Ah, because worrying about me is easier than worrying about yourself?

[ he's onto her. . . probably because obi-wan is very familiar with this kind of behavior, being the king of diversionary tactics. ]

But yes, there are all kinds of Jedi. Some strict, some kind. Some with great senses of humour, reckless and lazy. We're not a monolith.

No! [Yes.] Seriously, I mean, you take a lot on your plate. You literally answered my call with "Did something happen?"

When do you get to just... ENJOY things YOU enjoy?

[She leans back in her seat, their waiter setting down water and handing them menus.]

Also, you shouldn't describe JUST yourself when talking about the Jedi. [She grinned.] Though, I've never seen you be lazy.

Force of habit. And I wasn't, honestly.

[ but it's true, he rarely makes time for himself. it's always one crisis or another. he takes a sip of his water. ]

Quinlan can be lazy and reckless. Luminara is strict, though gentle. Aayla has a dry sense of humour. Mace seems strict but he has a backbone for justice no one else possesses.

[ he misses them. the order, his family. it's strange to be away from them for so long, to not sense their presence in the force. it's jarring. ]

Mnn, well, let's see if we can't get a different habit forced in you. [A Force joke? Who can say?

She listens and smiles as he talks about all his Jedi companions. He clearly calls about them.]

They all sound wonderful. Maybe they'll you'll get to see them again, Obi-Wan-san? That's what I hope for, to see many of my loved ones again someday. So I hope the same for you.

I hope so too.

[ he looks her over. ]

And how have you been?

Struggling to sleep, mostly... although, Maul helped me get some solid in hours not so long ago. Since then it's been... better...ish. [She lets out a breath.]

I'm just... worried, I guess, about some things repeating here.

Like what?

[ he raps his knuckles idly on the table. ]

I must admit, something about this place makes me uneasy. The constant sense of blood all around us . . . the miasma of emotion.

I... [She let out a long breath. Well, may as well warn him.]

I don't know if you were here for last October back in Deerington but...

[She inhaled.

Exhaled.]

I went... on a murder rampage. If I came across someone and I didn't murder them, you can bet I likely maimed them. I had intended to kill literally everyone.

My best friends, the girls I love with my whole being, I killed and attacked them too.

It took them running a sword through my chest [And stopping time.] to stop me.

I don't know if Maul has told you but he was one of my victims at the time. It's partly why he gets so upset because, between the two of us, I've hurt and murdered WAY more people than him back in Deerington.

I can't... I won't do that again. And I'm scared of turning into her again, into the woman who hugged one of her best friends and then killed her with a smile.

[ ah. that can be a lot, the loss of control. hurting people you love. his expression softens. ]

You keep saying "I". But you realize it wasn't you, was it? Something else took a hold of you. Think about it. Reach into yourself.

You could never do such a thing. Your very being rebels against it.

[She felt her eyes burn, having tried not to cry the whole time she talked.

She was currently failing. She furiously scrubbed her eyes with her napkin.]

I'm sorry, I don't... mean to make such a nice lunch so heavy. [The whole POINT was to make this NOT serious and here she was failing spectacularly.

But the way he spoke, so soothingly, so assuredly, she wasn't sure why but it immediately hit her at her core.]

It... you make it sound so simple. [It wasn't like others hadn't said something similar. She cried when they said it too.]

[ he reaches for her hand, squeezing it lightly. ]

Because it is simple. It wasn't you. That's all I need to know.

[She's quick to grab his hand back. Usagi does not shy away from comfort and contact. She is, instead, always seeking out others. When Obi-Wan offers his hand, she takes it. She bows her head, crying silently and trying her best to stop.

Usagi takes several breaths, trying to catch it.]

A-All the same, I don't want her to come back. And I've been so scared about her returning, about hurting anyone again. I... I've been so cruel. I asked my friends to take my life at the first sign of her.

I don't want to hurt anyone but I asked for something so ridiculously cruel.

[ it is certainly a conundrum. there are old stories of jedi masters and students who have made pacts like that. there is no right answer to be found. ]

It is a cruelty to them but a kindness to you. I'm sure your friends can recognize that much at least.

[Eventually, she calms down, crying had helped relieve the stress that was building up.]

They're amazing and incredible, they do recognize it, but they don't agree, they say it won't happen, they won't let it.

And I believe in them. Even if I cannot believe in myself, I believe in them.

But I'm scared, too.

I'm glad you believe in your friends so strongly.

But I do think you need to leave a little for yourself too.

[She wipes away the last of her tears, sniffling, finally calmed down completely.]

It's not that I don't believe in myself most of the time. [She frowns.] But with this, last time... I tried so hard to stop myself, I fought against every thought I could about hurting someone.

It didn't matter what I actually wanted, that's not what happened.

So isn't it... better to ask for help when I know it may happen all over again?

It's always best to ask for help, certainly.

But do you want to assume this fear will return every year? To control you like this?

Do I want to? No. But I rather be prepared if it does. I don't know what will happen, Obi-Wan, no one does. But this is still... connected to that family and that place, even if people are nicer and not trying to kill us every other day.

This place is still dangerous and we're still in the dark. I rather be cautious and pleasantly surprised and even HAPPY to be wrong rather than insist it'll be different this time and caught by surprise by things repeating themselves. [It is, admittedly, WAY more pessimistic of a mindset than usual for her, but when you literally murder multiple loved ones and maim even more and try to destroy everyone, yeah, she's going to be super pessimistic and cautious.]

What would you have me do otherwise?

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